![]() Listen actively and paraphrase to confirm understanding Question to learn more about the situation and gather further details, making sure that your questioning is not accusatory or blame-like in nature – as this will only inflame the situation. Much like Joel Garfinkle suggests, reframe your thinking and approach “hot” topics with curiosity and respect. If you feel the conversation heading into reactionary, defensive, or blame worthy territory, reset and check for safety. Foster safety by demonstrating inquisitiveness Stating what you do intend should then encourage the other person to contribute to the dialogue and confirm or clarify their understanding of your messaging. Explicitly stating what you do not intend should deal with any misunderstanding or incorrectly interpreted information. Use this technique in the following form: “By stating X, I mean X, I don’t mean Y. Explaining what you intend (or are trying to achieve), as well as what you don’t intend / are not trying to achieve, makes it clearer to your conversation partner that “X = X” and does not “=Y”. ![]() ![]() Often during heated conversations we make sweeping statements or misinterpret information. What is the common goal for the conversation? It could be as simple as clarifying misinformation or providing further information to ensure that both parties have all of the details available to make better informed decisions.Ī great way to ensure clarity in communicating your mutual purpose, and particularly for unwinding any knotted misunderstandings, is to provide contrasting examples of what you do and do not mean. To do this, take the other person out of “the issue” and think about what outcomes are likely to be shared by both parties. And, while the conversation may be awkward to have, that you are approaching the issue on the basis that you wish to resolve the obstacle for the benefit both parties, not just your own benefit. It demonstrates that you have spent time considering both your own perspective and the other person’s position. The ability to articulate a mutual purpose upfront immediately establishes respect and lowers hostility. A “mutually beneficial purpose” statement should be established and communicated whenever you feel the conversation going off track or where realignment is required so that both parties understand why it is worth you both navigating this uncomfortable terrain. While your overarching objective is often personal - and the conversation is likely to form just a small piece of the puzzle required to take you closer to that bigger picture goal (which may, or may not, be of interest or benefit to your dialogue partner). If yes, pause, and lift yourself back up into bigger picture solution mode.Īn easy way to elevate your perspective back into this space – particularly if you find that both parties are falling into the “drama”, is to have pre-prepared publicly sharable “mutually beneficial purpose” statement about why you are having the conversation. imagine looking down on yourself and the other person having the conversation, and objectively assess a scene have you allowed your emotions to take control and change the goal posts?.would you be behaving in this way if you really wanted to achieve that bigger picture outcome?.If you feel yourself (or the conversation) moving into reactionary mode, rebalance the conversation by focusing your mind on your overarching objective. What is your ultimate goal? What is it that you really want to achieve? Having a clear objective upfront enables you to better navigate the inevitable reactionary motives that may otherwise cloud your judgment during the heat of the moment (ie, trying to save face, winning, getting even, or being right). Be clear on your overarching objectiveĪlways be clear about your overarching objective before starting an awkward conversation. These are my top 6 examples to help you navigate awkward conversations: While I am by no means an expert, I have gathered some helpful advice over the years which makes facing and embracing these types of, often important, conversations a lot more palatable. Having recently read a brilliant article by Joel Garfinkle in the HBR, “ How to have difficult conversations when you don’t like conflict ”, I wanted to share this with you, along with a few insights that I’ve found helpful in this area. You know the conversations we’re talking about those pit of the stomach interactions, often involving strongly held and opposing opinions, strong emotions or conversations otherwise classified as career-limiting, risky or controversial.
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